


curse of his line (curse of his life)

by asthiathien



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bagginshield Feels, Battle of Five Armies, Canonical Character Death, Gold Sickness, Guilt, M/M, Prepare the Tissues, Thorin Angst, Thorin Is an Idiot, Thorin POV, Very strange writing style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-03-02 20:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2824595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asthiathien/pseuds/asthiathien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He swore he would not become his grandfather.<br/>But then, he swore many things, and gold sickness has ever been consistent with destroying everything you ever cared for.<br/>Everything you ever loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	curse of his line (curse of his life)

Thorin knows it, feels what is happening the second he sets eyes on the vast treasure within the halls of Erebor, but he is powerless to stop it, _powerless to do anything to stop himself from destroying everything he's ever cared about_

~~_Everything he's ever **loved**_ ~~

And he can still fight, fight against Smaug and the orcs and the damned, thrice-cursed _Azog_ but the moment a member of his Company ~~_one of his friends_~~ calls out to him he can do absolutely _nothing_ to silence his words and it feels as if he is burning from the inside out

and all everyone else sees is him standing strong and arrogant and they don't question it as he throws away _everything_ he's _ever_ fought for

_but they don't see him screaming, screaming within like it'd do anything to break the barrier between him and the rest of the world_

_was this what his grandfather felt, as he wandered alone through his mountains of gold?_

And then their damned _fool_ of a hobbit has gone and traded away the Arkenstone to  _Thranduil,_ of all people, and yes he can understand the sentiment behind it but Bilbo ~~_dear, sweet, **beloved** Bilbo_~~ tries to convince him to stop what he's doing, to undo what he's become, stepping too close as he speaks and Thorin is crying out at him _get away_

but of course he doesn't hear, he _can't_ hear and then he's grabbing Bilbo by the throat and holding him out over the empty air beyond the battlements for a long, terrible, heart-stopping moment as Thorin flings himself against the invisible wall of gold sickness that interposes itself between him and reality and he

can't

_breathe_

before he finally sets Bilbo back down on solid stone once more and Thorin is so weak with relief that he almost doesn't hear himself banishing their sweet, kindly burglar.

Good.

Better that Bilbo is far, far away, where Thorin cannot hurt him.

* * *

It's Dwalin who confronts him after that, Dwalin who slams him into a wall just around the corner from the tower and screams at him to _stop this madness now, Thorin, you are not yourself!_

And inside his head, Thorin is laughing bitterly, because _oh Dwalin, can't you see, can't you see that the gold sickness has taken over?_ and as the battle-horns of orcs, men, elves, and dwarrow sound outside the mountain Thorin duels his closest friend throughout the arching, magnificent halls of Erebor, Dwalin at first struggling desperately for Thorin to acknowledge him through the shadow but then merely struggling to survive as Thorin treats his dearest friend with the same consideration as he might treat Azog, not hesitating to try for a lethal blow whenever the opportunity presents itself until at last they are standing atop a staircase below which is only a chasm leading straight to the depths of the mountain, Thorin holding Dwalin at sword-point where the latter stands at the very edge of the abyss.

And Dwalin looks up to meet Thorin's gaze with tear-streaked eyes and whispers, _Thorin, please_ and then Thorin's features twist into a snarl before he shoves Dwalin off the ledge

and then he screams _Dwalin_ with enough force to bring down the mountain and is lunging forward and catching the falling dwarf's hand and pulling him back to safety.

They sink to their knees, Thorin burying his face in Dwalin's shirt and choking out barely-coherent apologies between broken sobs as Dwalin pats him on the back gently and murmurs, _Laddie, there's nothing to forgive._

* * *

 Part of why Thorin charges into battle, afterwards, is to save his kinsmen dying on the field for a king who will not even venture out to fight beside them ~~_and all right, maybe for the men of Laketown too_~~ but mostly it's to redeem himself for everything that he's done and all the lives that have been lost for his blind _folly_

And as he falls, he thinks _this is what I deserve, for all that I have done_

* * *

But then he wakes in a healer's tent surrounded by the screams of the wounded and dying, and when he opens his eyes he sees _Bilbo_ , clothing torn and bloodied and all he can think is _No, you should not be here!_

And clearly he said that aloud, because Bilbo's hopeful smile crumples and his eyes brim with tears like he's been stabbed

and Thorin curses himself all over again, curses his own idiocy as he tries and fails to speak, once again caught unable to voice what he so desperately desires to say, but this time by a dying body rather than by any gold sickness

and Bilbo is getting up and mumbling _I'll go get the others_ but he's wiping ferociously at his eyes and Thorin can't bear to see it, can't bear to see what he's  _done_ and he screams _No!_ loud enough to startle Bilbo into stopping before he says in a cracked whisper

_no, you can't leave me_

_please Bilbo, not now_

**_you can't leave me_ **

Bilbo turns around slowly, the tears trailing from his eyes and then he says quietly _I thought you didn't want me. I thought I was a traitor._

And Thorin wants to scream, wants to let out a stream of fierce denials but all he can manage is a shake of the head and a few choking coughs that bring up blood from deep within his lungs as Bilbo continues mercilessly, _after I stole your Arkenstone and all._

Thorin shakes his head again, shaking hands grasping at Bilbo's slender fingers

_and there's no time, **no damned time** and he wants to scream for Mahal to give him more time but he's knows that this is what he deserves_

_but please, at least let him tell Bilbo this wasn't his fault, at least let him assuage some of the hurt he has caused_

and all he can say is _No_ as the darkness closes in on him and he feels Bilbo's gentle hands upon his forehead and his beloved hobbit murmuring _Just sleep now, Thorin_

and as his breathing stutters and fails he wants to scream to the sky

_Bilbo, you are worth more than all the Arkenstones in Middle-earth_


End file.
